cannibalism is hard for me who cant remember anything

hello my lovely waterbottle, are you normal or do you ever think about how often cannibalism could be used as a metaphor for love?

of course i did think about that. watching the same season of hannibal over and over while sinking into lost media would do the tricks for you. not to mention on how creepypastas could fuck you up as a kid. there are so many way for people to absorb things into their mind including love and possessions by using their senses to feel and change it to symbolism then spreading it everywhere especially every aspects of their life.

some people thought cannibalism is a good metaphor for love. a sacred moment where you use your own body to feed others as your will to live slowly depleting. its like letting your own body to be used as a fuel to lift up someone else. you serve yourself as something so holy and exclusive for someone you love so much with the intention of infiltrating their body with your smallest particles, allowing them to carry you everywhere at any time knowing how you sacrifice yourself to them.

i think its good. i could understand that. i think i could totally understand that. the sublime idea of living and loving someone by combining your body and theirs into one big lump of walking flesh is magical. its like the opposite of birthing a twin baby where all you got is a big person made from seething and tweaked possession. 

learning about it in real life is pretty dangerous if you didn't responsibly 'digest' the information (haha get it). i dont think many people talked about this more as a topic for opening up new relationship and i totally get that too, because what would you do if someone is approaching you and ask, "do you ever think about cutting your own limbs and serve it to someone you love?"

cannibalism as a way to live is super fucked up (as if i didn't know about it, duh) and reading about it without the metaphoric lens got me shivering real hard. the pain you get from accidentally smacking your arm with something blunt is already painful and the fact that someone decided to slash a chunk off their body to feed someone else is... horrendously grime.

in another view, maybe that is the most appealing side of it. i think bracing yourself to stay awake and not grunting through the whole process of sectioning yourself on who-gets-to-eat-what made me shiver. it must be hard to hold the urge of averting your eyes to curiously peek on how other people would honor your body. i think the most touch-starved person in this world once have talked about these strings of thoughts.

i could imagine how a simple question of ‘how to get people to love me more romantically’ could build up into a big, jumbled mess of many thoughts about harming yourself in order to love someone else. to show obedience. loyalty. to suffer is to spend time more slowly and excruciatingly painful to do in order to get affections. to be loved is to get hurt. always. relationship itself is a way of giving something in order to get something back. 

when you close your eyes and shut it as hard as you could, do you feel pleading from the deepest part of yourself? can you see the way it claws up your chest, those sharp nails digging into your flesh? do you realized how hurtful it is to see the distinct change of those calloused hands that once hold you, now they choke you into blue?

do they feel the drowsiness?

i ate beef patty last week. twice. always cooked sunk in a shallow, hot margarine and the heat pushing meat juices forward until it drips and flows and frothing mixed with the margarine. you take off the patty from pan and cook one egg only to scrambled it messy. stack both of them quickly as the meat flavor and remaining fat seeps into egg. put those into your half burnt tortilla and fold it however you like and you're ready to go. i have been craving burgers lately. 

no lettuce, no pickles, no sauces. just pure meat and egg. the more i bite into it, more confusion and curiosity i got while chewing the meat. you see, most of those professional cook including your mother maybe knew the fact that cutting meat is better when you slicing in opposite direction of the meat. it was supposed to be easier. does that thinking applies to human too?

imagine a chef. a super ultra mega modern pop funk chef with cooking knowledge from all over the world including how the indigenous people feeds their family. the trouble is, that amazing chef has fallen in love with someone who has a vore kink. do you think they will apply the superb knowledge onto themselves? or would they keep the conversation alive by asking how and what their lover preferences are before cooking up something nice?

it depends. negotiating is a thing that every person in this world should do. that is the way of people kindling their affection to each other by saying things they like and what they dislike. sometimes i position myself as the super ultra mega chef whenever i sat down or talking with someone. both of us came from a very different place and we are going to talk about something that needs our agreement in order to make it alive. i cant just be gone for many, many hours only to perfecting my own set of skills to make sure the meat is tender and full with flavor when they choose to reveal the fact that they are a vegetarian for fifteen years.

its useless. its very, very useless.

even though if we have the same interest (which is food) doesnt mean we can easily agree without discussing how we could devour the same thing with our own unique way. what if you like what i want for years and you decided to gate keeping it because you're scared of your own thinking about how greedy i am to have that thing? what if i decided to not share what i have even if i know damn well that you nearly starve yourself to death to get what i have?

love is so fucking complicated, man. you basically merge your soul into one and just watch for the worst. even though i have wrote a lot of shit about cannibalism or just eating someone in general, i don't think that i could do that. its not that i don't want to, but the image of me eating someone's body part to fulfill my hunger and deepens my love for them are so.. not it.

i think i could forgot about them as soon as i shit in the toilet. no long speeches, no mixed signal, no three paragraphs text, just shit. remnants of them exiting my body and only small amount of it get absorbed into myself and i don't think there are any good for me. just pure metabolism and my body's hard work of processing what i eat, then i fucking forgot about it like nothing happened.

love could be normal if you try enough. no hard shit to do by humiliating yourself like that. except if both of you are crazy enough to do those things.