i am coming back to this blog because of this one specific song from the academy is has been an earworm for three days straight and i cant get enough of it. fun fact, this song is the opposite of the last post title and i also want to remind you that every song you've heard is very serious if you're in the wrong headspace and by 'wrong headspace' i mean: linking whatever has happened to you to the song you're obsessed in the mean time would be a very sharp and deadly sword.
did i do it again? YES. can i stop doing that so every song in my playlist would be normal and i could listen to it normally like how other people do? NO. i think im in a very strict and repetitive rotation right now, because whenever im done listening to an album and i decided to stop listening to it, some catchy ass song would suddenly come up and feels like i have never ever listened to that album. it feels like a hidden treasure even though i have spin the album over and over in a day.
its not shallow to me, of course i do enjoy it so much and i love it so much, it feels so boring yet i cant get enough of it. i need the song to turn into something that i can inject to myself as i listen to it over and over inside my head without having to play the song on my phone. currently im listening to it right now, and no, surprisingly this is not from head automatica even if i did have one song from that album and some revelations from popaganda.
last tuesday was the beginning of this messy journey. i was listening to the academy is on my way back home and i fell asleep so the band is on repeat and i listen to 31 songs as im realizing that this band is pretty good as heck. i do know some of their songs such as we've got a big mess on our hands, classifieds, beware! cougar!, and slow down. those are really good, they are super catchy to me and i could really feel the vibes of early 2010's because some of them feels so hopecore.
wgabmooh (this abbreviation is so fucking goofy) is on the album santi, released in 2007 right when i was four years old. seeing this date making me feel glad because if i was born in the 80's and this album released when im in my twenties maybe i would appear on the news, laying down and not breathing at all. that also applied to every band i liked these days too. so right after that day, i decided to do a sweeping (my own method of listening to the whole album then create a playlist of several songs that i really, really love) to santi and holy shit, the album is so peak and every song is so majestic to me.
im quite surprised because every song got their own vibe and its super different from the songs that i already liked, so i got super hooked on santi ever since that day until now. there is one song that i did not include on my playlist because the instrumental and the lyrics are so depressing to me hence why its not that enjoyable, but the stream on this song is pretty high on ytmusic. yes, its everything we had. that is the only song that i dislike for now. maybe i would change my mind to it someday.
back to santi, i think i should've listen to the almost here album first before it because the vibes of slow down and classified are pretty similiar but the contrast between those and santi is high. i think santi is more loud and the feelings are everywhere, exploding as if it was bottled for decades. speaking of feelings, yes, my pathetic ass would link this one specific song to my horrendous (not too horrible, i think) and unpleasant time of life, specifically dedicated to my romantic relationship with this one person. a song so good made you text your friend asking about some validation over something that happened four months ago is funny.
big respect for everyone in the academy is for this album though, specifically for the song you might have noticed, because that is the song that made me tweaking for hours and days. i even shared the song everywhere and i kept saying on how fucking good the song is and i cant stop listening to it even with or without headphones. wearing them felt super intimate and successfully made me want to cry so hard.
starting with the instrumental, i want to say that the drums, guitar, especially the bassline is so gorgeous and amazing. completed with beckett's voice, the band successively made a song that haunts my life forever. everything sound super familiar, nostalgic, and maybe similiar to something that i once listened to but i fucking forgot yet i kept searching for it. i feel like i knew this song from somewhere but i dont know where. i dont remember where it came from and i dont know how i knew this song.
talking about beckett's voice that is a little bit distorted here, the rage and the pain he shared through his vocals in this song caught me up. the vocal editing (i think that is the term for it?) made everything so much worse in a good way and i just kept thinking about this part from chorus particularly.
You set me up to leave me
You wanted to feel
Shallow love, shallow life
beckett. i got you auntie. i really understand it, i really do. i know damn well how it feels. i know how it feels. this song made me feel super cornered right in a time where im already stressed and the other people found something that i think is unimportant of me but they made it seem like its a damn big deal for them to leave me. i mean, i do understand their part, but its super dumb and we could talk it out yet they dont want to do it. they thought they've clocked me, but what they discovered is just a small particle of what i've build and i definitely could explain it if they give me the time. they didn't! so yeah enjoy it while i blame you for setting me up so you could leave me, i guess.
speaking of parts, his little 'ooouh' before 2nd verse really deepens the vibes of being cornered and super stressed and the other person have decided to kick you out from their life. i could feel his anxiety builds up high and higher, then it explodes like a big bang on chorus, like "you set me up!! you wanted to leave me since the start but you didnt know how, so you set me up to leave me like this!!" type of way. the desperation, the begging, the denials, the acceptance, it feels so surreal and comforting to me and my past experience.
beckett's voice on the bridge move from right to left to right to left, and with a very horrendously good and terrifying lyrics, he succeeds in haunting my life forever with those vocals. not to mention that the bridge part look like this:
Realization, I am not what you thought I was
You change directions everytime someone judged us
In moderation, what was once us now never was
You change directions everytime someone judges us
The heartburn i felt when Beckett sang this is unbearable, punches my gut, and left me laying on the ground like that one Goku picture. It squished my heart over and over like a damn fidget toy, yet it feels so good. The words 'You change directions everytime someone judged us' felt like a truth nuke for me and my old relationship. I mean, i dont really care if they looked away from me temporarily because this world are still not kind enough for us and i do understand about it a lot, but changing their directions and everything just because someone judges us? Both of us?
I would throw my hands at them. I would be mad, so, so, mad at them because why the hell would you do that? The only person that is in this relationship is only me and me only, so why the fuck would you flip everything upside down just because someone doesnt like what we do? Based on that bridge and the repeating chorus part, i think this song is a justified crash out background song if i ever want to do that.
I realize that i am not what you thought i was and you thought i was something else and it doesnt suits your imagination, so in my own moderation of whatever has been through, whatever was once us now never was. If what we had ACTUALLY does not serve you, then i will declare that whatever we went through was never really there. I dont care if it takes months or years. It doesnt happen and it was just a shallow part of my life.